Tuesday, October 11, 2011
Smokey and the Bandit We Ain't
There are some weird liquor laws around these parts. First off, the county where our boat is docked is completely “dry”. There are no liquor stores and no adult beverages served at restaurants, although you can bring your own! OK, so maybe we aren’t quite in heaven after all! Paducah (25 miles away) however is in a different county, so we thought we were home free when we went there to stock up on Sunday. Wrong! We found out they don’t allow any liquor sales anywhere in Kentucky on Sunday. It’s called a “blue law” or something like that. Come to think of it, this is starting to sound a bit more like hell, isn’t it?
So naturally (We are headed for Tennessee, Alabama and Mississippi, so the likelihood of weird liquor laws is still high), Doug and I had to borrow the marina car and make the run back to Paducah on Monday. We left the Admirals off to shop for girl stuff in Grand Rivers, promising to return quickly, and pick them up so they wouldn’t have to carry their shopping plunder back to the boats, a distance of a little over a mile. As we dropped them off, Carrie says to Doug, who was driving, “Are you sure you know where you’re going?” Are you kidding me? Doug and I are experienced businessmen. We practically grew up in cars, and both of us have logged more miles in more places than we care to remember. We acted a bit affronted at her suggestion and started to drive off in a huff. Carrie hollered just before Doug made a right turn, “DOUG, LEFT HERE, RIGHT AT THE NEXT STREET”. I don’t think we instilled much confidence at that point.
Now, Doug and I are a lot alike in other ways, too. Our admirals would probably say neither of us can walk and chew gum at the same time, but that’s a stretch…I think.
Anyway, once we hit the freeway headed for Paducah, we got deep into a heavy “man type” discussion. Now, this was about something really important, like diesel fuel polishing systems, or how to silence the alarm on your GPS unit. You know…important stuff. So when we finally looked up and saw the “Welcome to Illinois” sign, we knew we might have overshot Paducah, Kentucky, just a bit.
This would not have shocked my Admiral in the least. I once called her and told her I was on I-80 west of Sacramento and would be home in 45 minutes. I then drove for I don't know how long before my “low fuel” light woke me from my daydreaming. I looked up to see "Exit 8", and hadn't a clue where in the heck I was. I tried to look nonchalante at the gas pump when I leaned over and asked another customer, "Where am I?" Learning I was now in Dunnigan, I had to again call Carrie and tell her I was now on I-5 north of town and 45 minutes from home! Another wife might not have believed such nonsense...but Carrie knows me.
Once Doug and I figured out where we were, we tried hard to hustle. But of course, the booming metropolis of Metropolis, IL only had one liquor store, and it was another 5 miles down the road on the other side of town. Long story short, we caught some long looks from the Admirals when we finally got back and found them at the boats.
Of course, we told them every reason in the world why we had taken so long, except the truth about our little unscheduled visit to Illinois!